21 Reflections
Religion is something you grow into not something you’re just born into.
We have a problem of believing Islam is an all or nothing religion. “If you’re going to wear hijab, wear it right — your baby hairs are showing.” Why do we do this? Islam is a religion about effort - intention and trying. It is not meant to be easy because if it were, everyone would be doing it. So be kind to yourself on the days your iman (faith) is at a low because Allah SWT doesn’t want perfect people, he has angels for that. So just try.
There will be people and things in your life that are not, and never will be, worth your energy — but it isn’t worth your energy to regret the time you spent on them, either.
Regret is inevitable but also unnecessary. At one point, the decision you made was exactly what you wanted so, learn from it, and allow yourself the release of moving on.
Make the most of where you are — they call it growing pains for a reason.
We are in a rush to continually get to the next stage. Graduate high school so we can graduate college and get a job and then get married, etc. Get used to appreciating where you are because it goes by so fast. Just like growing, we are getting older and taller, but it hurts in the process. And be okay with change - because it is inevitable, and the more you learn to flow like water between rocks, the easier adjusting to change will become.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Everyone is uncomfortable. EVERYONE. Even if they exude large amounts of confidence, that person has something that makes them uncomfortable as well. So embrace it, work through it, and allow yourself to be okay with it.
Leaders eat last.
One of my mentors taught me the phrase Servant Leadership, and I use it in everything I do now. A traditional leaders main focus is success, which is driven by power and a “me on top” mindset. A servant leaders main focus is others, which is driven by the want for others to succeed with a “we on top” mindset. When you help others win, you ultimately win as well. And monetary gains will not serve as a sadaqa jariya (continuing charity) for you. But helping others better their lives will. So, leaders eat last - serve others first.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself — it’s thinking of yourself less.
True humility is not self-deprecation — it’s faith in the generosity of God. You didn’t get to where you are by yourself, so redirect the attention to the source — those who helped you get there.
If you can’t change the situation you’re in — change the way you look at it.
You shape your world with the mindset you choose to have. You cannot expect to be happy if you are constantly looking at the world in a negative light. This dunya (world) is not meant to be a source of happiness. This is why optimism is a part of the dean and why smiling is sunnah (the way of the Prophet PBUH).
You are a billion different versions of yourself to a billion different people.
Allow yourself the release of accepting not everyone is going to like you. You can kiss the ground someone walks on and ultimately be thrown to the wolves. Be kind to people always, but remind yourself that the opinions of others do not define you because you will never be able to please everyone.
“Kind speech and forgiveness are better than charity, followed by injury. And Allah is Free of need and Forbearing.” [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:263].
Life is a competition with yourself, not other people.
Humans have this weird habit of justifying their sins by comparing what they have done with others. “Yea I dated, but they drink every weekend so…” Stop that. You should always be harder on yourself and make excuses for others.
Only the doctor can use the knife — and we don’t question the doctor.
Only the doctor can administer poison to cure a disease (chemotherapy), and we trust the doctor. Only Allah SWT can bring about suffering for a greater good. We don’t understand it, but we accept it because we know it helps, we are not put through more than what we can bear, and Allah SWT does not take anything away without giving something better.
History is irrelevant when it comes to relationships.
There are people I’ve known my whole life and am not friends with anymore. Likewise, there are people I’ve known for a month and can’t imagine life without. Allah SWT will put people and things into your life at specific times for specific reasons. If something is not bettering you anymore — embrace the change and accept that Allah SWT knows better than you do.
It does not make you weak if you need time to rest.
Burnout is real. And the people who recognize you saying no to hanging out after working 9-5 because you’re exhausted is not the same thing as you saying no to their friendship are the people you need to keep close to you. You are allowed to say no and do not let anyone guilt you into feeling bad about yourself because you need rest.
Your first reaction is usually bad.
Snap judgment is a thing. Stereotypes are a thing. Being hot-headed is a thing. So why not take the time to think? Our first reaction is usually fueled by emotion and accompanied by the later phrase “oh man, I shouldn’t have said that.”
So don’t say it.
“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.” [Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12].
There is a big difference between venting and backbiting. Catch your tongue.
If you are venting to someone, you are looking for an answer to a solution or wanting to release tension, but this DOES NOT require name dropping. You can easily explain a situation you’re in without saying someone’s name. Once you say their name, you are backbiting. You have crossed the line of wanting a solution to wanting for them to look bad. Stop that. We are all at fault for this, but it is better late than never to try and change a bad habit.
“Let him speak goodness or remain silent.” [Surah Fatir 35:3]
Break your thoughts - what are you actually angry about?
If someone is ever ranting to you and you realize this is not bettering them, try this trick — ask them about something completely unrelated, but you know they would engage in. This cuts their train of thought and allows them to break away from their emotions for a minute so when they get back to it, they can address what really is bothering them rationally rather than being driven by emotions.
Don’t have your feedback filtered - surround yourself with a diverse village.
As someone who is in Social Media Marketing, it is so scary to study how algorithms work. You look at one picture with a liberal viewpoint, and EVERYTHING you see in your discover page will follow that viewpoint. Your reality will consist of people and ideas that support your exact morals and values. So it is in your hands to educate yourself and be respectful of other opinions. And you must understand that because of these algorithms, many people are only exposed to their own views. Be patient with them.
“We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.” [Surah Al-Hujurat 49:13].
We attract the energy we give.
The Prophet PBUH consistently spoke on the importance of good companionship. But he also emphasized treating others with more than what you would want for yourself. We can’t expect to be given sunshine when we ourselves are exuding negativity.
You will fall off course, and that’s completely okay.
Please do not allow this world to make you believe that you are not worthy of Allah SWT’s mercy. Please do not allow the judgment of others pierce into you and make you think for a second you are not worthy of love, or happiness, or have an inability to be better, or are so far gone you cannot come back. Who told you this? Because he who matters has told you to come to him walking and he will, in turn, come running.
You are free to start anew despite what may lay behind you.
You are not defined but what you have been through, but where you are going now. One of my favorite things about the dean is the idea of hiding the sins of your brother. You get so much sunnah for it and it’s so beautiful because it recognizes the fact that we will slip up. Everyone will. But you are not ever defined by the past so long as you work towards better.
Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
If you wake up every day and tell yourself 1. you will have a good day and 2. someone didn’t wake up this morning; you will look at life a whole lot differently. Be conscious of this. We quickly forget how short life is and spend too much of it dwelling on the negative. Be optimistic. Life is a gift.
Not everything that’s weighing you down is your luggage to carry.
You can love your family, your friends, your coworkers, etc. But their problems are not your problems and if you continue to make other peoples problems your own - you will kill yourself in the process. It is good to care, and Allah SWT teaches us to be compassionate and help our neighbors in any means we can. But remember that the most powerful thing you can do is make dua for them. Do as much as you can and leave the rest to Allah SWT because what is meant to happen will never escape them, and what is not intended to happen will never reach them.